Am I Insane?

The answer to the title is no, I am not. But I am doing a thing called Insanity at the moment which is a 60 day fitness programme by a man called Shaun T. who definitely thinks it's "insane" (his own words).

Basically my partner told me about a little thing called Insanity which apparently maaaaany people knew about except me, but sure unless it was advertised somehow in the middle of a game of Metroid, how was I sposed to know about it right? As mentioned before, it's a 60 day fitness programme which is spread across 9 weeks in which you do a roughly hour long workout for 6 days of the week, Sunday being your rest day. It's core muscle training and cardio mixed gruellingly into one horrific package of exercise.

I will admit, it is tough, very tough. It's even more tough when it's apparently recommended for people who are in the fitness range considered "athlete" and when you are trying to work around your busy schedule, which Shaun T. seems to have no problem not taking it into consideration. Athlete is not a category I fall into and I had literally just quit smoking so my lung capacity certainly hadn't (and most likely still hasn't) returned to normal.

But my high strung life of customer service and mediocre diet wasn't doing my body the justice I thought it deserved so I took the plunge into fitness madness and began my march to "having the beach body I've ALWAYS dreamed of!".

And then I could hang out with hot blonde people being hot all day long and never worry about life again!

The first week was painful. I could barely finish the warm-up which lasted a meagre 12 mins of the usual 45 mins workout. And the worst part was, every time I finished that warm-up I knew that that was the EASY part. Being the trooper I was, I forced my fledging spirit forward with ultimate reluctance until my muscles practically sizzled like bacon. That was after 3 mins extra, still 30 mins to go. UGH!

This was basically the whole first week in a nutshell, I stopped consistently throughout the workouts to catch my breath, took non-recommended prolonged breaks during the different workouts and very quickly became bitter towards Shaun T. and his workout entourage. They were all too positive and happy for how I felt. I also recycled my workout outfit since it would be a waste of electricity to wash it everyday so I was becoming stinkier, like some weird smell RPG game, where I levelled up my stinky stat. everyday. To top it off you feel more and more stiff each day, walking in a crippling horrifying gait. It was just...awful.

But then rest day arrived. That glorious Sunday, I will never forget it. It was one of those days when you would wake up and say "fuck my life!" without actually meaning it. It was great, I could be stiff all I wanted and not have the face the 45 mins smugness of Shaun T and his entourage of finely toned superhuman smiles. It was a good day. Until Monday arrived, or so I thought it would be bad. But something strange happened, I was no longer stiff to my bones, I could move freely without having to make sure I didn't look like I was mocking someone with a physical ailment. I was... normal again.

This was too good to be true though, I thought, as I begun my dramatic descent into Insanity workout bitterness. But lo and behold, I made it through without exhaustion, but without stopping, and without any creeping stiffness either. Something was happening to me. I was seeing... RESULTS! That's right, after even just a week I was surprisingly already feeling the results of this Insanity programme and for this alone I could recommend it to anyone.

These results continued into the forthcoming weeks with surprising speed as I got much better at the workouts, I was even beginning to see small changes in my stinky body, I was pleased. But something else was happening that was not so good, I was running out of patience. Not for the exercise, but with Shaun T. and his entourage. I know it's a series of exercise videos made to appeal to everyone with motivational slurs, "dig deeper" being the main one, but my god, the smugness became all too apparent.

The Queen of smug: Tanya, Tonya, Tania (there was no one correct spelling for her name apparently)

As I got to know each person individually from the different workout videos I could almost close my eyes and identify who it was by level of smug shooting out of my screen. Tanya is amazing but what I wouldn't give to switch kick her smug face in some of the videos (although if I did that I would be breaking my laptop screen). Shaun T. also has this awful habit of making you dread the next workout as he says "this is about to get insane, I'm not looking forward to this" non stop. How are you supposed to look forward to doing it when your instructor is telling you how much he hates it?!

I'm actually still not finished the workout programme yet, I'm currently on week 7 out of 9 and the second half of the workout programme ups the ante. They're now 55-63 mins workouts and have severely increased the intensity of the actual workout forms. This is not a problem to me. I actually enjoy the increased intensity because I feel like I'm getting more results. Unfortunately the smugness has also increased three fold. It's making the workouts just about bearable at this stage and I honestly have found myself saying "oh my god shut-the-f@#k-up!" out loud at the screen (much to my other housemates' confusions). Tanya smiles and acts like it's simple, mockingly staring out of the camera at you. I've seen you when you think you're not on the camera, I know you're slinking off for a 5 min date with your water. And Shaun T., while always super positive, matter of factly brags about how good he looks. He does look good though. BUT STILL! It becomes annoying beyond patience. Hence the screaming at my screen.

"SHUT UP SHAUN T. JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!"

Anyways, as it stands now, that is where I am with this Insanity workout. I'm going insane with it for all the wrong reasons, but even with the atomic powered SMUG  I think I can still recommend it even without having finished it. I don't think I've ever been as in shape, built muscle so easily and quickly and genuinely felt as energetic as after doing these workouts for the past 6 and a half weeks. If you wanna get in shape fast and genuinely get fit, this is definitely the way to go if not just a good starting point. Also if you have some sort of anti-smug dwarvish armour than I believe you could really enjoy this as well, it's pretty rewarding and satisfying. In the end, I believe it will be worth it as the expense of some of my sanity. As Shaun T. would say "dig deeper". Whatever the f#@k that means. (I know what he means but it's stupid)