But since I have no money to do anything remotely evil in any harmful way (other than buy someone a yorkie bar when they wanted a twix) I'll just resort to a slightly dramatised version of my recent month gone by: (By the way nothing ever really happens in my life so this will either be really short or really long just so I can tell my friends later that I wrote a really awesome blog post)
So what has happened in the last month. I can't say much now, besides falling off a stage at a club, which resembles something along the lines of this:
And nearly smashing my laptop and inadvertently fucking up the screen instead, which I would show some resemblance video of too but I'm too lazy to look for one, I've been mainly sitting around staring at my laptop wishing I didn't go near it when I was drunk. And I changed my ringtone on my phone to some loud noises from Inception, which was a bad idea because I quite like the soundtrack of that film so now when my phone starts ringing I blissfully listen to it for a while until I decide to finally answer, which is usually about the time that Caller-A has decided to hang up.
So this leaves me with a lot of alone time to write on this. But what to write? Well I think there's nothing better to read about sometimes than a good ol' bitch about something right?
For example, work. When I was working one day in Workplace A, I brought out a vacuum cleaner for a customer. However upon bringing this vacuum cleaner out some father nudged his little girl up to come up to me with a receipt. I was thinking "this father is a little cruel, he's sending his seven year old girl up to carry a vacuum cleaner roughly half the size of her and twice as heavy, back to him". So I looked at the receipt and saw that they were actually looking for a smoke alarm which was fair enough.Now usually I wouldn't care in this situation if someone got mixed up about what product they were getting if it appeared similar to someone else's. Except in this case, in which the fact is that a vacuum cleaner is neither the same size nor looks anything like a fucking smoke alarm. On top of that then, you have another customer getting confused as to why their vacuum cleaner is the size of a smoke alarm.
One of my co workers eventually came out two minutes later looking for someone to give the smoke alarm to. Zombified and desensitised by my own shock of the stupidity of this father I took the smoke alarm and handed it to the little girl, this smoke alarm was more like a smoke alarm because it was a smoke alarm. As I handed it to the girl I also couldn't help but see how massive the difference was between the vacuum cleaner and the smoke alarm, it was at least a 30th of the size. It would be like someone giving you a bike helmet when you asked for a refrigerator. Anyways, another confused customer approached me shortly after the little girl had left in which I had to assure her that the cleaner was hers and I wasn't giving it to the little girl (not that she would've been able to carry it anyways).
I could actually go on about this a lot more but I think there's only so much time in a day that you can spend talking about smoke alarms and vacuum cleaners. What I can say though is that if this vacuum cleaner did go home with Daddy Stupid and Daughter Unfortunate, the cleaner would most likely end up doing this to itself:
Well, that's the end of that rant, and now I want tea so I'm going away to mull over what other things I can talk about when I return in a months time.
buh...bye
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