Speaking of Dinosaurs...

    While I'm still on the topic of Dinosaurs (but veering far far away from Don Bluth) I've decided to take some time out to talk about the most awesome rockin smack-yo-bitch-round-the-jungle dinosaur ever created by evolution (and trust me, evolution was being a right dickhead to it's other creations this day, and absolutely awesome to itself).

    In fact, what I think happened (and seems pretty plausible) was that Evolution was having a chat with God one day. "God" it says, "I bet I can make the most awesome rockin smack-yo-bitch-round-the-jungle dinosaur ever". God sat there and thought for a moment, but since he/she is all and everything then it was actually an infinite moment that non of us can comprehend.... After a moment God replied "I accept your bet, but what is the wager?". Evolution says "If I do make the most awesome rockin smack-yo-bitch-round-the-jungle dinosaur ever, we do a role swap, because as you know, I only last as long as this rock does". So God replies smarmily, but also transcendental of self awareness and therefore without tone or emotion "DEAL!", thinking Evolution won't be able to create anything as awesome as the planets, sun or the very cosmos itself. So Evolution got to work, and guuuuurl did it!

    What Evolution created was something more awesome and terrifying than what they probably put in a fig role.... THIS:

    Velociraptor, the greatest animal of their generation and time (and ever as far as I'm concerned). Most of us didn't even know they existed until a little film called Jurassic Park came out and threw them out into the big bad world opening doors all around them and being "Clever Girl"'s. Now, before I get TOO into this, I want to say that the makers of Jurassic Park did use poetic license to change a few things about the Velociraptor (pretty much most things). BUT since they made something that was already badass enough as it was into a OMFGTDIRMM (Oh My F*@king God This Dinosaur Is Raping My Mind) Badass, I'm gonna stick with the film version instead.

    These bitching lizards' looks are seemingly only rivalled by their atomic powered ferocity. The movie tells us they hunt in packs, tricking us stupid humans into a coup where they eat us from all sides, they can jump as high as Everest and run as fast as a JATO rocket (those last two things might be an exaggeration). My point is, if you ever came across a Velociraptor, that would be nature flipping you off.

    It gets better though, by the third film Jurassic Park throws the fact that these magnificent bastards have an actual social hierarchy and even talk to each other! Evolution you certainly showed God how to do it. Speaking of which, what I think happened between Evolution and God was quite obvious. God got jealous, blew up the dinosaurs (although he/she/everything claims he/she/everything tripped and knocked a bit of space rock at us) and made people out of dinodust (thus taking on certain traits of dinosaurs, like talking.. and cannibalism) thinking we would be superior to Evolutions most amazing piece of ass EVAR! God was wrong in my opinion. Even worse now, God an evolution are still feuding, instead of it ending there and then Evolution is now trying to persuade the world that it is the creator and that God's biography, the Bible, never really happened. Oh my, those two really have it in for each other, if only they'd stop fighting and fix my laptop screen....

    Aaaaaanyways, the Velociraptor is not only a total Chuck Norris of the prehistoric era, it's also a pop culture Icon nowadays. It's seen as smarter:

AND divine:

   Seriously, more divine than God's wrist child! There's an actual religion based around a Raptor Jesus, how cool is that?!

   So, ignoring all factual knowledge and using Jurassic Park 1-3 as a bible, we have our God, our Teacher and our Saviour, maybe YOU could learn a thing or two from our friend here. I can say, I've learnt a thing or two from the Velociraptor in my lifetime so far (mainly how to open doors, and for the love of God, or should I say Evolution?, do NOT steal their eggs).

   I guess I could talk all night about this but I wont, this is all I have to say about the Velociraptor to ye, for now. Good bye!

Oh, and you would totally do this if they existed too:

    The lasers is the sheer energy of awesomeness coursing through me from the Velociraptor (which I have named Cherry).