"Seán O'Beirn has come out, and now the boys are lining up!"
So anyways, if any of you were wondering how long I was "hiding" this for I can give you a little backstory on it I suppose. I started to realise that I was gay between the age of 16-18 but I never admitted it to myself, it was all confustering and a little new to me. Just a little. There wasn't really much to this time period it was just something about myself I was suppressing or hiding because I found it embarrassing initially. We all deal with things our own way and I was dealing with this my way, which was basically ignoring what is instinct to me. I won't lie, it was stressful and and I used to pretend to myself thinking I could change, but it was never overwhelming at the same time so I never expected or wanted to garner pity for myself. When I was off to college however the new world of Galway became opportunity as I made a tonne of new friends and realised after meeting new people that I could ease up on my sexuality and become more acceptant of myself, it was the only way to go really. Also through the power of interweb and gay chat/dating sites I also made a few friends over the internet that were established around Galway, so that became a sort of doorway into the Gay community for me.
After the first year of college I came to admit to myself that I was gay, the biggest hurdle of them all in my opinion and after that things took a while but were certainly much easier. I made a good few gay friends over the college years and even secretly went on a date or two (oh my!) and also came out (drunkenly) to two of my college friends, but it was around the Summer of last year when I started hanging around a group of lads and girls who are gay that I really became at ease with my sexuality.
I began going to the scene on nights out towards the end of my final college year with this group and then once summer hit and the fact that I was living in Galway for it, I was going out with them constantly. It was all new to me yet refreshing that I was able to relax and relate to them about the same things that I was never able to do with my straight friends (I mean that in no bad way of course) and the more at ease I became the less I cared about what other people thought. I decided it was time to tell more people, my sister being the first because I lived with her at the time. I did this drunkenly as well, I have a thing for saying things when I'm drunk it seems. I suppose it was a cowardly way of doing it but in the end I said it which is still a big deal in the end. As it turns out now, I've never been happier with the results.
Then as I mentioned at the beginning I told my family and as the summer progressed it turned out my class in college knew and then I told some friends from home and yada yada. etc., it just all snowballed out of control and eventually turned into an avalanche so many people knew come the start of 2011. I was shocked at how little people cared, not that I expected them to being like "wtf!?" but more because no one even really asked me about it. Then I came to realise that being gay is just a part of my life and not what defines me which led me to think "why was I giving a shit all this time?". The Summer ended up being an absolutely mad binge of a first step but a great laugh in the end and it has become a very important stepping stone in my life.
When I did the Galway Pride and Limerick Pride they were both great experiences and all the time I was learning about how illy perceived the community was (for the most part) and, really, just how normal it was to be gay. Nothing was different. People would ask "Oh, what's it like to be gay?" and I just would say "What's it like being straight?". I find it funny because when you make people think like that, the difference ends up being very little. Sure we like the same sex, but the feelings are still all the same. A guy likes a guy the same way a guy likes a girl, or a girl likes a guy the same way a girl likes a girl, you can look at it from any gender but it doesn't matter, it's all the same feelings in the end which is the important part. It just so happens to be that I like guys myself instead of girls, that's all. Anyways I could end up going on and on about this stance I have on homosexuality but really I just wanted to let ye know how I came to embrace being gay and not caring that I was, so I'll leave this discussion at that!
Anyways, I have happily been out to many for a while and I had a great year (the year being a college year) and I won't bother going into the details of it but I've never been more comfortable with myself in my life. I wrote this mainly because I thought people who don't know deserve to know and those who wanted to know more now know...well, more! Although at the same time I have yet to see if anyone will even read this :P. I thank all of those who are cool with it and supportive, it's been great (Sorry I won't go into specific people, there's too many to thank for different reasons, but everyone knows how important they are in the end!) and for those of you who read this it is muchos appreciated that you took the time to.
There's not much else to here really, but I guess I could also use this as an opportunity to explain the unruly campiness of THIS:
After the first year of college I came to admit to myself that I was gay, the biggest hurdle of them all in my opinion and after that things took a while but were certainly much easier. I made a good few gay friends over the college years and even secretly went on a date or two (oh my!) and also came out (drunkenly) to two of my college friends, but it was around the Summer of last year when I started hanging around a group of lads and girls who are gay that I really became at ease with my sexuality.
I began going to the scene on nights out towards the end of my final college year with this group and then once summer hit and the fact that I was living in Galway for it, I was going out with them constantly. It was all new to me yet refreshing that I was able to relax and relate to them about the same things that I was never able to do with my straight friends (I mean that in no bad way of course) and the more at ease I became the less I cared about what other people thought. I decided it was time to tell more people, my sister being the first because I lived with her at the time. I did this drunkenly as well, I have a thing for saying things when I'm drunk it seems. I suppose it was a cowardly way of doing it but in the end I said it which is still a big deal in the end. As it turns out now, I've never been happier with the results.
"Aine..... I think I'm Gay"
Then as I mentioned at the beginning I told my family and as the summer progressed it turned out my class in college knew and then I told some friends from home and yada yada. etc., it just all snowballed out of control and eventually turned into an avalanche so many people knew come the start of 2011. I was shocked at how little people cared, not that I expected them to being like "wtf!?" but more because no one even really asked me about it. Then I came to realise that being gay is just a part of my life and not what defines me which led me to think "why was I giving a shit all this time?". The Summer ended up being an absolutely mad binge of a first step but a great laugh in the end and it has become a very important stepping stone in my life.
When I did the Galway Pride and Limerick Pride they were both great experiences and all the time I was learning about how illy perceived the community was (for the most part) and, really, just how normal it was to be gay. Nothing was different. People would ask "Oh, what's it like to be gay?" and I just would say "What's it like being straight?". I find it funny because when you make people think like that, the difference ends up being very little. Sure we like the same sex, but the feelings are still all the same. A guy likes a guy the same way a guy likes a girl, or a girl likes a guy the same way a girl likes a girl, you can look at it from any gender but it doesn't matter, it's all the same feelings in the end which is the important part. It just so happens to be that I like guys myself instead of girls, that's all. Anyways I could end up going on and on about this stance I have on homosexuality but really I just wanted to let ye know how I came to embrace being gay and not caring that I was, so I'll leave this discussion at that!
Anyways, I have happily been out to many for a while and I had a great year (the year being a college year) and I won't bother going into the details of it but I've never been more comfortable with myself in my life. I wrote this mainly because I thought people who don't know deserve to know and those who wanted to know more now know...well, more! Although at the same time I have yet to see if anyone will even read this :P. I thank all of those who are cool with it and supportive, it's been great (Sorry I won't go into specific people, there's too many to thank for different reasons, but everyone knows how important they are in the end!) and for those of you who read this it is muchos appreciated that you took the time to.
There's not much else to here really, but I guess I could also use this as an opportunity to explain the unruly campiness of THIS:
My biggest regret is that I didn't tell people sooner.
Till next time, toodles!
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