Just Chugging Along

    At work yesterday I inadvertently made a hilariously bad pun that confused both me and the customer at the same time. As I brought out a Chuggington Book thingy to a man I did my my usual "Hi, how are you?" greeting. He of course responded "Great now, yourself?". It didn't click with me straight away that I had made a pun, I think it just happened because I was reading the title of the book as I came out to the shop floor. My response was "Oh you know, just chugging along through the day". As I signed off on the receipt I couldn't help but notice that the man was staring at me with a rather large smile. An intense smile if you will. A BURNING smile. This confused me and and the customer, because I didn't acknowledge it immediately. Then I realised I had made a horrible pun. I responded with "Oh my god, that was a bad pun I didn't even notice I made". He laughed and said "yeah, it was". And then left me to grimace at my own embarrassment.

Damn it, it happens just too often.

On a side note, I love bad puns. As Eoin Kelly once said to me about 127 hours "it rocks".

25 Years of Zelda

            I usually don't post unless I have a long boring story all of you don't need to read, but since it has come to my attention that it's the 25th anniversary of the greatest game franchise EVAR, I thought it deserved it's own post to commemorate it. And I also came across an absolutely amazing picture only a genius could have made to celebrate this fact, feast your eyes on this amazing feat of artistry.

Sleeping Beauty and her Morbid Kingdom

My body's general disdain for me left me in a restless slumber last night. So in a race to fall asleep with myself I decided the best option was to find a classic Disney film to help me conk. Much to my dismay, this did not work.

The movie in question was Sleeping Beauty, surely a film about a woman going for a lengthy (albiet death inducing) nap would help drag a curtain over these eyes. Alas, instead I became enveloped in the film as I questioned the motives of the characters and plot for the 1 hour 15 minute runtime. For example, Maleficent, she's the villain of the film but I think she takes things a little over the top from the get go. I mean, she throws a hissy fit about not being invited to the christening of Princess Aurora. If this makes her angry, clearly she cares to a certain extent about what people think of her. So what does she go ahead and do? She puts a death inducing curse on the 1 year old child that will kill her at the age of 16, by touching an evil green spindle wheel. This is over not being invited. To a christening.

There must be no Sky Plus in her castle.

"Damn it! I missed Independence Day... AGAIN!"

Second of all, the King and Queen both do not care about their daughter nor have any quality talents themselves. They let the fairies morph the child's face with the gift of beauty and then tack on a bit of X-factor to her with the gift of song. The only really meaningful thing the fairies give is that she doesn't die from bad ass bitch Maleficent's curse. THEN when all said and done, they just give their child away for 16 years in a brief moment of not-my-problem-anymoreness. Why the fairies so blatantly ignore these unlikeable traits is beyond me. Anyways, they celebrate by burning a load of spindle wheels while stupidly overlooking the fact that both Maleficent and the three Fairies can summon things into existence at the wave of their wands. A kingdom of fools run by fools I tells ya!

"They should totally let this guy run the kingdom"

So for 16 years the fairies decide that the best way to protect Aurora from nothing is by dumping her in the middle of the forest and not using any magic at all. All of this is completely unnecessary because the curse doesn't actually have any effect until the moment she turns 16, and even then she'll still have to touch a spindle wheel for it to actually work. All they would have to do is make sure she doesn't go a little overboard on her super sweet princess 16th.

So yeah, whatever about being raised in the wild and being brought back to the castle once she was 16 . Just a bit of babysitting seemed to be the best remedy to the curse. However, in a wonderfully retarded tragic turn in events, they leave Aurora alone for no more than 5 mins before she goes ahead and curses the shit out of herself. Maleficent laughs, the fairies cry and decide that no one should figure out about their monumental failure that they had 16 years to prepare for.

So the fairies unintentionally take a page from Maleficent's book and put everyone into a deep slumber until Aurora is to be awoken again. Clearly these fairies never took a biology class. They did this under the belief that this period of slumber may be ever lasting. Ever lasting also means a whole lot of not eating for an entire kingdom.

"Well, at least they'd all be able to wear skinny jeans"

Luckily the kingdoms one hope, Prince Philip, happened to be gallivanting off in the forest with his unnaturally intelligent horse. He just happens to be in love with Aurora, for reasons beyond me as they only met once in the forest and even before that he only saw her as a 1 year old child in a crib when he was something along the age of 6 or 7. This also leads me to believe he's a pedophile. Anyways, Maleficent's steals him and locks her in her totally awesome castle of doom that would give Sauron a run for his money as evil overlord. Insert fairies here and large rescue scene to escape.

Now. Maleficent has clearly shown she is both powerful and quite evil. I do not know what her intentions really are, but usually people living in this mindset demand obedience and loyalty at inhumane expectations. In a heartfelt rage of the entire situation she turns her entire kingdom into a thorny inconvenient garden to hinder our young pedo-prince in his race to Aurora's aid. I guess you could say, she went a little.. Hay-BRIAR! And then she turns into a dragon and fights the prince with "All the powers of Hell!" as quoted. I don't know about you, but if I could turn into a friggin' DRAGON I'd be doing a lot more than sitting around and waiting for a curse to happen in 16 years.

Anyways, as it turns out, the powers of Hell are no match against Prince Philip's Olympic javelin skills. Sword, meet heart. Maleficent has an allergic reaction to this and disappears entirely, leaving behind her clothes. Then our horny prince proceeds to the top of the castle to take advantage of the sleeping 16 year old and ate the face off her.

"oh baby... the things I'm gonna do to you"

Maybe I was looking into the movie a bit much, but I leave you with a recommendation that this movie will most likely not help you sleep. Good night!

Never Say Never

Well folks, while I personally have nothing against the 16 year old lesbian that is Justin Bieber, I know most of the world have chronic hate and death syndrome for him. I can describe this only as a wet dream for Bater's (Bieber Haters) and I have to admit I had my evening made by this short clip.

CSI may be mind numbing toilet gravy, but man, when they want to kill a 16 year old pop idol, the really know how to do it right! We'll just say, it's very bullet-y.

People have always imagined this moment and of course we naturally assume it will never happen. But as our friend Justin would say, Never Say Never...

Blogs, Video Games & Flash Animation - The Worst Would-be Film Title

      As of late, this blog has been seeing the back of my hand a lot. Now, it's not because I hate blogging, I really love doing it in fact. But it's mainly become a syringe in my arm. A syringe full of Aids. This is because I am having a difficult time thinking up wonderful new ideas to compose (like my in previous posts.........) and it's become more and more aggravating, like Christian Bale would feel if he were caught in the middle of a light show or something. I wish I was more productive like the good ole days of my blog, 3 months ago, where every week I would post several new posts of meaningless rants and inspiring mush that would non-erotically satisfy me. Sadly though I have reached a point where I talk about either the same things or try to talk about something sensible and end up looking inbred. Although to many I might seem that way already:

"Duuuh, hi I'm Seán!"

     I'll admit that I have a serious lack of knowledge when it comes to worldly events such as politics or general news. It's my fault entirely of course, but if I were to tackle THAT sort of topic I would probably come out in the end resembling something of a cross between a frog and an ostich (A Frostrich! har har har!). If you can't picture than in your head, I'll tell you now, it looks really REALLY stupid (although imagine how funny it would look if it walked). On top of general knowledge, I have a very limited taste in music and a non-existent interest in sports. In fact if I really think about all I have just said, I have serious ice-breakers issues when it comes down to first conversations. I'm surprised I have friends! Well apart from ye of course, my readers and followers (which is down from 16 to 15 in the last week or two, talk about ENCOURAGING!). At least I can still check up on the number of views my old posts racked up, back when I'd get excited at the thought of someone clicking and even looking at my blog for more than two seconds, to which I'd think "OH MAH GOSH, they READEZ mah BLOGGGgggggggg!"

"Bluuaaaaaaa Read MAH BLOG, BLuauauauauaaasohappy!!!"

     Luckily for me though I've been slightly above average productive on several fronts. 3 out of 4 of these things actually count. I've cut down on drinking, am saving moneys and I am regaining my patience for being productive yaaaaaaay! What does this mean for you? Well nothing, but you should be happy for me, as my followers. Before I go on to talking about what regaining patience has helped me achieve, FIRST I shall talk about number 4 of my productive front, the one that doesn't count, but has proven to be awesome to me over the last few weeks.

      Number 4 is a little Wii game called Donkey Kong Country Returns. I cannot state how much barrels of awesomeness this game throws at you, no pun intended, har dee har har! While many people might scoff at the mention of a game on Nintendo's comparatively retarded hardware compared to it's HD cousins, I can tell you one thing. Cram it up yo' ass! Donkey Kong takes most PS3 & Xbox 360 games and wipes it's arse thoroughly with them. It carries the franchises' old school gaming lovingly into the modern era, like a bum holds his liquor. On top of that it sucks you in, chews you up and shits you out because it is so damn tough. Just getting through the game in general is probably enough to test David Blaine's patience and then once that's done there's tons of secrets and unlockables all hidden away in this innocent beastly package. And, no thanks to Retro Studios (the makers), the amazing art direction hides the Wii's underpowered hardware to produce some truely stunning vista's and animation that sits up there with the top of any of this generations console games, take a look:

    Now, I'm finished speaking of productive front number 4. Speaking of animation however, this is where my patience has become a virtue as of recently. Where as over the last few years my patience for working on most projects has eroded away like Michael Jackson's face (both living and dead I guess), I have recently begun rebuilding it as I took my first step into the world of Flash Animation. A year ago Adobe Flash settled quite nicely onto my laptop but became the neglected eldest child in my family of programs because I had little patience to work on it. However, I recently came across videos on character animation in Flash on a great but expensive website to download from. Luckily for me I "found" most of the videos else where online at the base price you would pay for, I dunno, saaaaay, nothing. They're great tutorials (which I have yet to finish) but even with what I've learnt from them I've found that having the patience to go through with animation has been rewarding. For example, I have made this already just to flex my memory of the tutorials:

    In retrospect it's quite shite, very spasticated, short and simple. That sounds like I'm describing myself actually. Anyways I have proven to myself that I can use the tools of the program to make the creature above and the same workflow I had on that can be applied to an entire animation, which is what I plan to do next. I took a step and now I'm taking a leap, let's hope I don't fall, like I did the in stockroom at work the other day. My next big project involves a comic I made of my friend Paddy and his irrational fear of people touching his hair.

So I'm going to animate Paddy going from this (he's the really happy one):

To this:

It will be fun and it is also very true to life if you were to try or be caught in this situation.

As for the first 2 productive fronts, I have already mentioned them. Number 1 is saving money and number 2 is drinking less, which is actually an offshoot of saving money. I want to save up for a new DSLR camera, as I have been planning for ages, so I can make better quality short films and I also want to buy a scanner/printer so I can do some frame by frame animation on the side too!

That's all for today mah friiiieeeeeenndss!

P.S. I actually wrote most of this earlier but accidentally DELETED ALL OF IT. And learned that Blogger doesn't save previous drafts as a result. Patience.....dwindling...... gaaaaahhhh.....

Completely Off Topic

As with so many things I make attempts at in my life, this blog as of lately has fallen into my pit of neglect, along eating healthily, my new years resolutions and my promise to myself never to watch another episode of friends on E4. But there is many reasons for this. Well, when I say many I mean two. One, I just can't squeeze a coherent debatable thought out of my brain and the second, I am quite lazy. Basically, I've turned into M. Night Shyamalan, the gigantic prick-wad known for every disaster of a film he's made outside of The Sixth Sense. I still think he's yet to reveal his true form; a giant smelly slimy Arse that craps film onto a reel every 9 months after it has gotten its sustenance from ill received ratings from critics who treat films as if they're doctored psychologists at a hypochondriac convention.

"Cinema has yet again positioned itself under my ASS! Nya nya nya nya nyaaaaa!"

If the title of this post hasn't become clear, it's just a way of me stating that this post is going to be a tumbling cascade of thoughts spilling out of my mind in attempt to unblock the block. In an analogy, my thoughts are the plunger, my brain is the toilet and the blockage is a giant pooh someone couldn't flush properly because they used loads of toilet paper to cover it up. There possibly won't be any coherent topic just a load of random things that I will attempt to somehow connect "cleverly" together in many ways by the end of this post6 (remember, "many" really means two).


However as I continue typing I'm hoping that metaphorical pooh will move millimetre by millimetre until the cleansing water of ideas come flowing into my mind again. What's that? I already feel the pooh slide minutely! A small topic has just dawned on me that I can speak of. It is Facebook related. Actually, this is something that happened just today, well, was meant to happen. I created an event in which you were supposed to change your Facebook profile picture into the worst picture you could find of yourself on Facebook. I believe I cleverly called it something along the lines of "Find your worst picture and Make it your Profile Picture... Day" which is literally what it was called. And not very clever either. 


Anyways I had it made a few days prior to it's due date and invited all my friends to join in on it. I wasn't surprised to see it spread as everyone always invites others randomly to join, nor was I surprised to see that about 1 in every 50 people actually bothered to give a response. However I WAS surprised to see people had actually decided they were not partaking in this event because, you know, Facebook profiles have always been a thing of pride. Did you also know Obama is white and He Man is straight? Vanity is the new thing this year I guess!

"Don't worry, we've proven, like these two, that we are probably too photogenic to defile our profiles..."

Stranger still was people that "might" be attending, or partaking in it. You might attend changing your profile picture for a day? Come on, are you contemplating on the thought that the copious amounts of people on Facebook that are complete strangers might be judging you? Because you're certainly not surprising your friends! They all have seen the your moments when they fleetingly think "what creature was sacrificed to bring him/her into this world?", so I don't think anyone should pretend they have an ounce of dignity left to spare for their Facebook profile page above all things! 


This leads me onto the next paragraph of this slowly extending but increasingly closing story. I certainly don't have an ounce of dignity to spare for my profile page, let alone have any left in general at this point in my life anyways, ESPECIALLY not after today. Since of course I created the event I obviously was willingly (and excitedly) going to partake in it. And partake I did in which amongst the many hideous photos of me, one sang through like a slipknot church choir:

"Hello people of the Universe"

Yes that is me. I think I'd give H.R. Gieger a run for his money in the new Alien movie if I sold this as concept art. On top of this, very few people actually changed their profile picture to a horrible portrait of themselves. And ON TOP OF THAT, I set the date for this event to the 01//02/2011, today, the date of my birthday. I essentially turned my profile page on Facebook into a magnet of terror for an entire day as people came onto my page to say "Happy Birthday" only to be greeted with a giant metamorphic human sperm THING.

It was a public display of my stupidity and for a moment I almost wished I had dignity to spare. But in the end all I could do was laugh at myself. And prepare to be much lonelier in my life. Maybe I could start hanging out with M. Night Shyamalan (I always think of Watermelons when I say his name? Shy Watermelons...). He doesn't seem to have any dignity left for himself, and he certainly doesn't make pretty pictures any more. In many ways the previous sentence marked the end of this Blog post!

P.S. When you say P.S. as a word it sounds like someone pissing. I also think the pooh is flushing.